My initial thought for this mini milestone blog was to write a list of 25 somethings. 25 things I’m grateful for, 25 lessons, but that seemed predictable. Second idea was to write a letter to my 25 year old self …Seriously has it been 20 years since 25? WTF! Trash that idea.
Instead I hunkered down and just starting typing…
I’m at a complete loss as to what to write here. Hoping Hemingway will possess my hands and type up something fantastic and gritty but he’s not showing up. Perhaps I should have poured a glass of wine?
“Wine is a grand thing,” I said. “It makes you forget all the bad.” —A Farewell to Arms
Okay, try again…
Writing 25 blogs means one has spent a significant amount of time in one’s head. You learn a lot through this exposure. Some of it indecent. I’ve been learning a lot about myself. Some of it I truly love. Some of it, well let’s just say it’s a little scarier and more difficult to love the shadows.
But as the mantra I have adopted is love more and fear less, I try to be brave while shedding light onto the spooky bits. It doesn’t mean that I’m not scared, even terrified. It means I’m working at focusing less on the fear and more on the love. Being conscious of our fear is the push off the cliff and our love is the set of wings that keep us from face planting at the bottom of that cliff.
So fearing less when getting to know those dank, musty spaces in yourself. How the hell do you do that? How do you fall in love with all of yourself? We need to learn how to do some old fashioned courting with those bits. To get all giddy with the process like those first few dates. Okay, write a list of 25 Things I love About the Dark Side of Me. Oh wait, that’s another list….
Grrrrr…….Seriously why is this so hard to write. I’ve written 24 of these….what the hell is going on
Then it hits me. I’m scared to write this blog because it’s the 25th – I expect it to be fantastic! It’s a milestone! Epic!!! I need to be profound and witty. Compelling and insightful. It has to be the best thing I have ever written in my life!
Wait a second, where is that voice coming from? I stop and listen. It’s not coming from my warm, juicy heart. Oh shit. It’s coming from the direction of that musty, dark corner. I listen a bit more and I recognize it. It is my voice whispering from the part of me that wants to fit in. The part that wants the cool kids to talk about the amazingness that spews out of me. The part of me that wants people to like me.
Taking a deep breath I walk into that corner in my mind, wrap a blanket around that sweet, scared part of myself and carry her to sit beside me in the light.
I sit back down at the computer…
Hi. Welcome to my twenty-fifth blog on The Radiant Alchemist. I am grateful for the time and intention of every single person who has clicked, liked, commented and shared how a post has impacted them. I cherish the conversations and connections generated with friends and strangers from the ideas presented here. I’m following my heart and while on that path, it sure is nice to have some traveling companions.
I’m not going to solve world hunger or win a Pulitzer with this project. People won’t always like or agree with what I share here. They may think I’m a complete nutter, an unrealistic dreamer or completely unintelligent. I don’t commit myself to this process so people will like me. That is not what I am trying to do here. My attempt with The Radiant Alchemist is not to be extraordinary but to help you see the extraordinary in yourself.
Thank you so much for this opportunity.
25 and counting.
Little Sister & Big Sister